Feb 1

First things first - I want to put things in prospective...

About two weeks ago the whole gang of us were down at the pub. The Call Of Nature tapped Michelle on the shoulder and she headed for the can. While she was off doing her business, the server took away her empty.

Bad idea!

You see the bottle wasn't actually an empty. More like a... near-empty. Well, Michelle flew into a rage when she realized that her bottle, along with her precious mouth full of beer had been whisked away. She made such a scene that the poor waitress gave in and eventually delivered a heartfelt apology, along with a complimentary beer. The moral of the story... Michelle's beer is the most precious thing in the world. Wasting a drop of it would be placing your life in serious danger.

So, now this gives you an idea of how furious she must have been last night when she (even I don't believe this) chucked an entire pint all over me. She didn't even take a sip first - just hurled it across the table.

I don't understand. You know... I knew she would be upset, even angry when I told her I wanted us to take blood tests. Sure... o.k... but then I thought we would talk about it (I rehearsed the conversation a thousand times in my head). Once she understood that it wasn't because I didn't trust her (or me), but it's just that... well, you know. We live in a dangerous world, right?

I don't even know where we stand now. Just SLOSH with the beer... and she storms out.

Even if we have broken up, that'll be just fine with me. I won't even think about her. It'll give me a chance to hang out with Jamie. He'll like that. Who knows, we might even become good friends. He could do my home work.

I won't even think about her.

She's acting like a child!

She won't even call me to talk about last night. And trust me, I'm NOT calling her! If she wants to work things out, and begin behaving like an adult... then she can call me. SHE KNOWS MY NUMBER!

Feb. 23

I did it. I took the plunge last night...

Darci was going out with Thusitha to see a movie, so Michelle invited me over for dinner. I showed up with a video and a bottle of wine. As it turns out I didn't need to bring the wine.

When I arrived, the casserole was already half baked, and so was Michelle. She had already emptied four bottles of cider, and couldn't stop giggling.

I had some catching up to do.

But no matter how hard I tried, she was always a couple of drinks ahead of me. By the time dinner was ready, we had finished off the cider AND my bottle of wine.

I was drunk. She was toast! But it was o.k. Right? We were having a great time; laughing and making fun of Darci and Jamie and stuff.

We decided to forget the video. Instead we just talked. By midnight the conversation had died down, and for a while there was just silence.

I knew this was the moment.

I took a deep breath and screwed up all the courage I could. Without even looking at her I just blurted it out...

"Michelle, before we have... you know, I think we should get tested. Blood tests. Right? We could go together. It'll be like a date. Dinner and blood tests. What do you think?"

Dead silence. Nothing.

Was she stunned? Was she angry? Was she crying? After a moment I looked up.

She was out cold!

So that was it. I put on my jacket and went home.

I did it. I took the plunge last night...

Lets hope the next time I ask her, she'll be sober enough to answer!

Sometime in Feb... Not too sure of the date...

You should have seen Michelle's eyes when she opening it!

It was the most expensive diary I could buy! Not one of those cheap-o's you get at the book store. Leather bound, with one of those little mini padlocks (she thinks it came with only one key - shhh!).

Even the Christmas wrap was perfect! It was that foil kind - the sort of deluxe model of wrapping paper.

The Christmas card was one of those electronic ones (very chic). When she opened it up, it played "Silent Night".

She was in shock!

I guess she's right. I did spend a lot on her, and I know I can't afford it... but it was my own little way of saying... well - you know. Whatever.

After all, we have been seeing each other for five months. Things are starting to get serious.

In fact, I think she might want things to get even more serious. She keeps dropping little hints...

"Do you want to have sex? IT HAS BEEN FIVE MONTHS!" - she's not very subtle.

Soon she's going to start making me use words like 'love' and 'concessions'.

Tres uncool.

I think we'll take the plunge soon, though.

The thing is... before we do I'll have to ask her - well... to do something for me.

I'll use the word 'concession'.

She'll like that.

Well, I'm still here. I called my parents and told them about my idea of my dropping out of college and moving back home - it didn't go very well.

Mom went on about all the money that they had spent and Dad just kept saying he didn't raise a quitter. I told them I had never considered quitting exactly, just transferring.

I also spoke to Thusitha about it and she gave me the big guilt trip. You know, like how I was her best friend at school and how she would miss me and that I would be leaving Michelle in a bind with the apartment. Not that I'm too worried about that, but we did sign a lease.

I have been getting pretty good marks in most of my classes so I guess it would be crazy to leave now. Oh, I don't know... my feelings just go up and down on this subject. Maybe now that its spring I can see my way clear to the end of the year, but there have been times when I just wanted to get on the next plane and never come back.

I'll see how the next week unfolds, Mom and Dad can't make stay here if I don't want to.

I went home this weekend and boy was it nice! Mom splurged for a ticket for me come home for Dad's birthday.

It was so nice to get away from this place and, of course, from Michelle.

Even if it was only for a few days...

Nobody back home could believe my stories bout Michelle and some of the other people here at school. And I know what mom was thinking, I should have stayed home and gone to college there. "It would save a lot of money and the program it almost as good", she would say.

But then I met Thusitha on my trip to visit the college and I thought I could handle being so far from home.

It isn't just the distance though. The people here are so different. I just feel like I am from such a different world and that I can't blend in here. Michelle doesn't help. She always tries to focus on my being from a small town when other people are around.

Maybe she doesn't have to point it out for anybody. Maybe I do stick out.

I mean yes, the program and the courses are better here, but still I' not sure that it is worth feeling like this.

I could still transfer only lose half a year. Mom would be mad but in the end she would be happy to have me back.

I'll call her in the morning and run the idea past her.

As I write this entry I am on the verge of shoving a cucumber down my room-mate's throat.

It is very serious I assure you. She has taken up meditation, not the quiet version where you picture yourself in some meadow on a sunny day, but he loud kind with lots of relaxation noises.

There she goes again! I have actually called in a complaint to the landlord. I pretended that I was Mrs. Luci from 308, and that I was ready to call the police if he didn't do something about it right away.

Of all the "room-mate wanted" ads posted at the college student's services, why did I answer her posting?!

It's 8:30, time to go! I'm meeting Thusitha at the movies.

Just what I need...

Dan broke up with Michelle the other night and he just won't stop talking about it. Michelle this, and Michelle that - on and on and on...

Granted, I did find his pain somewhat amusing at first, but after a few minutes his whining does become a bit bothersome.

If it isn't Dan crying the blues, it's Darci wanting to drop out. Yeah, she wants to move back home! Can you believe it?

Now don't get me wrong, I like Darci (even with all her faults - which are many). I have to admit, I don't want her to leave... but to be brutally honest I don't want to hear about it any more! Everyone's running around like they're living in some cheesy, over the top melodrama.

Frankly, I have my own problems to deal with.

To be quite honest, my life is a total and complete disaster! Personal Armageddon. That's what I'm dealing with. I have two papers due this week, a quiz tomorrow (why do they call it a quiz? It's a test! A rose by any other name...) and I haven't even started studying for finals.

To top it all off, I'm getting sick. It started last week with a few sniffles, but it has since turned into a full fledged cold. I took some of that medicine that's advertised on the t.v. a lot lately. You know the one. Some guy is sneezing and sniffling - looking like he's on his death bed. He takes the medicine and then the next scene is him sleeping like a baby.

Ever noticed that they never show the bit in between those two scenes - you know - where he passes out and has to be carried to his bed?

Maybe I just took to much.

The only good thing in my life right now is Thusitha. I'm so grateful to have her as a friend - I really am. She's so stable. After spending just a few moments with her I forget about my evil roommate and silly friends.

We've been spending a lot of time together studying lately and I know that if I make it through this year it'll be because of her.

With all the craziness from Dan, Michelle and Darci, it's good to have someone so normal to be around.

Dad called me last night.

I don't know what I was thinking, but I told him about the Astronomy exam. You know, the exam I slept through. He blew a gasket!

"You slept through an exam? How could you do that? Do you expect to sleep-walk your way to Med-school? Is that the attitude your going to take when you become a doctor? 'Oh, sorry Ms. Your husband didn't make it through the triple by-pass surgery. I don't know what went wrong. Everything was going fine so I took a nap. When I woke up he was all blue. I can't imaging what went wrong?'"

It wasn't my fault I fell asleep. I pulled two all-nighters studying for that test. Then he started to give me that speech I have heard, oh - so many times.

"You have to make the family proud! With nothing but five dollars and a lot of hard work I created the largest digital processing consulting firm in the country. And your Mother? She was the first woman fund manager in her company's history! And you? I HAVE NO SON! Except for your brother, of course. He's at Yale, you know. His fiancee is a biochemical engineer! And she's pretty. And she wants kids..."

I really want to talk to someone about this. I reenacted the entire phone conversation to the 'Insufferable Roommate", but Dan doesn't understand.

"Wow, that means you could be an uncle one day.", was all he said. Bonehead.

It seems like everybody is hounding me lately. The last thing I need is an abusive computer program!

You wouldn't believe what happened to me last month. Yes, 38 days ago, to be exact. Do you remember that mid-term Astronomy test I was studying for? I pulled two all nighters in a row studying for that thing. I knew EVERYTHING you could possibly know about astronomy.

Then came the day of the test. The professor called 'time', and I turned over the paper. The first question was easy - "Give the name and location of the largest star in our Galaxy".

And... it happened. I felt a little dizzy. My head felt heavier, and heavier. Then I heard it. That rich, sexy voice..

"I'm the biggest star in the Galaxy", it purred. I looked up. It was Madonna. I was confused. Suddenly Angela Lansbury (from Murder She Wrote fame!) tackled her from behind! "No I'm the biggest star in the Galaxy!", she declared, and the two started to wrestle right there in the lecture hall. There was a thundering crash, and Marlon Brando burst through the wall. He rolled up me, took me by the shoulders and started to shake me. "Your time is up", he mumbled. "Wake up Jamie.Your time is up."

I had slept through the whole exam!

That was 10% I blew right there. I've been working for the past month like a mad man, trying to make up for it. If I ace my astronomy paper, and get perfect marks on my labs (and know the readings inside and out), I can still get an 'A' in this course. I know it! I really should get back to work - I've wasted too much time on this journal entry as it is...

Got to go...

It's not like I consider Darci a friend. Not at all. But now that I know that she might quit school and move back home, I'm kind of sad...

I mean, we fight quite a bit and she is a really annoying room-mate and everything, but I am used to her. What am I supposed to do if she leaves, find someone else to live here for the next couple of months? I still haven't decided if I am going to stay here for the summer or go home. I guess I'll talk to my parents about that when I go home for Passover.

I think she is crazy! Why spend all that money and almost a year of her life at college here and then just throw it all away to move home and go to school there. I wonder if her family is pressuring her to go back or something. I don't know, I at least think she should finish the year. Ah well, it is HER life.

I met Dan for a beer the other night and he told me about all the nitty gritty details of our evening together the other night. It turns out that I fazed out that night from a few too many cocktails and passed out.

I did not however make any passes at Dan or embarrass myself in any sort of... you know... sexual way. I thank my lucky stars for that!

He did bring up something that he said he had wanted to talk to me about. He said that he wanted to discuss something that night but he never got the chance. Its about sex. He wants it, and he wants it with me... but on one condition. He wants us both to have a blood test.

Okay, yes... I am a little offended. Obviously he isn't concerned with himself, he is worried about me. I told me that I had no problem practicing safe sex but that I did not think I needed any blood test, thank you very much. I also told him that I have had sex in the past but not with that many guys so he shouldn't worry...

That's when he looked and me and said, "I am worried." That's when I threw my beer in his face.

Anywho, we aren't talking at the moment. End of story.... end of Dan and me...

I don't know how much I can write right now. I feel....terrible. I had Dan over for dinner last night and drank way, way too much...

I was really nervous before he arrived because it was the first time that we were really alone in the apartment. I mean we have been here together alone before, but we were never sure when Darci would be coming home. But last night she was away for the weekend and so I naturally thought that... well, I thought it would be the BIG night.

I figured a few drinks would loosen us both up because I have to admit, I did feel a little uncomfortable. Dan has never really made any major moves on me before so I thought I might have to take the bull by the horns.

I don't remember much after that. I know that I threw up at some point but I think Dan had left by then. I hope! I really want to give him a call and ask what happened last night but I am too embarrassed. I know,... I am quite sure that he was a perfect gentleman. But, (oh god!) what did I do?

I got to go and take a couple more aspirins and drink some tomato juice and maybe pick up the phone. I'll just act like everything is cool and see what he says. Maybe he'll want to go out for a beer later.

I got this journal from my boyfriend Dan for Christmas, I guess it was really for Hanukkah, but Dan isn't Jewish so he called it a Christmas present.

I think he wants me to write things about him in here. He probably has plans to look in it when I'm out of my room to see what I have said about him. In fact, when he gave it to me he kept asking me what I would write in it, and where I thought I would keep it... I really love him and all, but I've got a lot more important things to write about than him. I mean, I am a journalism student at college with a bright future ahead of me! I am a vegetarian, a practicing Buddhist, a tai chi enthusiast, I can't spend my time writing about some guy!

Although he is pretty cute... Not cute, like cute like you know, like little boy cute or whatever... He is cute in sort of a spiritual way. Cute in the way that he hides that side of himself from me, and instead tries to present himself as cool.

Although he is pretty cool... Strike that. I am already going against the first rule of my journal.

Back to my original purpose. I will use this journal to record my thoughts, my feelings, and ideas during the remainder of my first year of college. It will be in this journal that I will confide all of my true impressions of this important time in my life, and it will be for my eyes only. And yours, "dear journal".

Stayed tuned, the year isn't over yet and I've got a lot of exciting experiences ahead of me.

I think between Darci's mom and myself, we have convinced Darci not to drop out of college after all. At least for now... I mean I think if she is really unhappy, we shouldn't stop her, but somehow I think she is just running away.

I know that she and her room-mate Michelle don't get along that well, but I think she should try and stick it out. I even told her that if things were that bad, she could come and stay at my parent's place.

I was talking to Jamie about the whole thing and he said I should try and not influence her either way. He said I should try not help her make any decisions because if she regrets what she does decide to do, she might blame me. Maybe he's right.

Jamie has been a good friend lately. I think our friendship is good for him too, he doesn't seem to be so crazed about his school work. I think he might even come out to the pub with us on Thursday night. He will be a nice distraction from Michelle.

I have to admit I am getting a bit sick of spending my nights out keeping an eye on Michelle. She almost always drinks to much and by the end of the evening needs to be taken home and put to bed.

Sometimes it doesn't even seem like she has had all the much to drink, one or two drinks maybe and then she just flips out. I asked Darci if she thought she might have some kind of allergy to alcohol or something, but she said Michelle is just a bad drunk. I don't know, I have never seen someone act that way after only a couple of drinks.

Anyway, tonight I have to pull an "all-nighter" to get my English paper in for tomorrow morning. I better put on the coffee and get started.

My first year political science teacher looks like Stephen King. He is totally freaking me out. I keep expecting his head to start spinning and twist right off.

I don't think I have been getting enough sleep. I thought the one advantage I would have to working at home while going to university was that I would at eat proper meals and enough sleep.

Now mom is working full time and never cooks and my brother just got a new puppy that cries all night. I might have to stay with some friends in residence just to get a full night's rest!

It hasn't affected my marks though. I am still doing really well in all of my courses!

I better go, Darci wants to talk tome about something. It sounded pretty serious. I'll write about it when I get back.

I only have a minute to write! Something just amazing happened to me... I just got the Philosophy paper back that I have been having nightmares about since last week, you know the one where I had to try and prove the existence of God in 5000 words.

I got an "A"! My first university "A". Not only that but the T.A. looked right in my eyes and said, "Nice work".

Nice work! Sweet success... I didn't think it would be possible. I used to A's in all the time in high school, and I never even worked that hard. University has been different though,university has been... killer.

It has been different in other ways too, this time I deserved the mark. I worked hard for it and I feel great. Now I can't wait to see what I got on my English paper.

Gotta go, Darci and I go going to see a movie. She is really upset, I think she had another fight with Michelle.